gender role development

How to Help My Son Develop Masculine Traits and My Daughter Develop Feminine Traits

This is called gender role development or gender stereotyping.

Every child is born with hormones related to masculinity and femininity that play an important role in shaping behavior and personality. These hormones also influence physical changes during puberty.

What happens when a boy grows up in a predominantly feminine environment?

For example, if the father is absent (due to death, divorce, or being busy and not involved in typical “male” activities with his son), or if the boy has mostly sisters, the boy is raised mostly by his mother and sisters.

In such cases, the boy may start to pick up feminine behaviors. Sometimes the mother even agrees when the boy wants to wear makeup like his sisters because she treats him as one of them. Also, if the boy’s voice is soft, people may comment that it’s “a shame” he’s a boy. Gradually, the boy may identify more with feminine traits and want to be treated like a girl.

What about girls?

Sometimes a girl sees her brothers getting more attention and starts behaving more like a boy to get the same attention. Or when a father has only daughters, he may treat the youngest daughter as if she were a son, influencing her gender role development.

Effects during adolescence

At puberty, these children may experience gender role confusion:

• A boy expected to behave like a typical male may not have learned how to do so in childhood.
• A girl expected to behave and dress femininely may not be used to that role.

This can lead to behavioral disturbances and confused identity, as teens try out different behaviors trying to find themselves.

How can we help from early childhood?

• Boys should spend time with their fathers to learn how to behave as males in society. For example, going to places of worship together, shopping, dressing in clothes appropriate for their gender.
• If boys ask for things traditionally seen as feminine, parents should calmly explain the difference, e.g., “That is for girls,” so they understand gender roles.
• Similarly, girls should spend time with their mothers to learn feminine behaviors and roles.
• Most importantly, maintain open, calm, and nonjudgmental communication with your children so they feel safe to express themselves and learn their identity.