The topic of disciplining children is crucial for many parents. The focus often falls on “how to punish my child,” but it should really be about “how to change my child’s behavior” or “how to teach my child to act correctly.”
While punishment can sometimes be necessary, teaching your child the right way to behave is far more important. What often happens is this: a child makes a mistake, the parent punishes them, the child repeats the mistake, the parent punishes them again, and they feel the punishment isn’t working. Then the parent says, “I’ve punished my child every way possible, and nothing helps!”
The problem is that when the child was punished, they weren’t told why they were being punished, or more importantly, what they should do correctly instead. For example, if your son isn’t focusing during study time, hitting him and telling him to “focus” isn’t enough if you haven’t taught him how to focus. Similarly, if his room is messy and you punish him, but don’t teach him the importance of neatness and order, he won’t know what’s expected.
When to Discipline Our Children
Some parents say they never punish their children at all. This is also a mistake, as a child needs boundaries for their behavior.
So, what should we do?
1. Teach First
First, when your child behaves incorrectly, the very first step is to teach him that his behavior is wrong and show him how to act correctly.
2. Warn of Consequences
Second, if he repeats the mistake, remind him of the correct behavior you’ve already taught him. Make it clear that if the behavior occurs again, there will be a consequence.
3. Implement Appropriate Punishment
Third, if your child repeats the same behavior, then a simple punishment that fits the mistake is appropriate. It’s crucial that the punishment is proportionate. For example, if your child accidentally breaks a cup, it’s not appropriate to take away their phone, turn off the TV, forbid them from going out, and hit them. If you use all these extreme measures for a minor incident, how will you discipline them for a major one?!
The main goal is to teach your child correct behavior, not to vent your frustration from work stress on them. It’s very important to ask yourself: Are we punishing our child for their mistake, or are we just stressed and taking our anger out on them?
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