How to Teach My Child to Say “No”

Of course, every mother thinks, “I don’t need to teach my child to say no — he says it all the time!” But many other children actually need to learn how to say no to requests they don’t want. And it’s not just children — many adults also struggle to say no to things they don’t want.

A mother once came to me complaining that her son lacked self-confidence. He gets bullied at school but doesn’t defend himself. Also, when he comes home, he doesn’t complain or say what happened at school.

When we looked at how the mother treats him at home, we found she is very strict — she yells a lot, criticizes constantly, and expects her son to obey without question. She tells him exactly what to do and doesn’t allow any discussion.

“Do this… don’t ask why… just do what I say.”

This mother is the one who broke her son from the start. She turned him into a programmed person who only follows orders — no thinking allowed, no objections, no opinions — constantly exposed to her aggression (yelling, criticism, anger).

When he experiences this kind of behavior at school, he never learned how to object, refuse, or defend himself — so he becomes a victim of bullies.

This further weakens his self-confidence and may turn him into an aggressive person from being a victim too long, leading to different kinds of problems.

It’s important to teach our children to think, discuss, and develop their personalities — to make decisions and defend their rights. This must start at home.

When you ask your son to wear specific clothes and he refuses, ask him why and what he’d like to wear instead. Give him three options and let him choose among them. This way, you teach him to decide and have an opinion while still doing what you want.

If your child doesn’t want to eat now, put the food in front of him and say, “Eat when you’re hungry.” He’ll eat soon, learning to say no and make choices.

When he goes out into society and someone asks something he refuses, he’ll know how to say no, refuse, and have his own personality.

The word “No” — many people reject their children saying no, but it’s very important in forming their character.