My son has been raised to do everything right. He always says “okay” and follows instructions. But is that really a good thing or not?
Parenting and Responsibility
Let’s start from the end and work our way back…
A wife complains about her husband: “He’s a mama’s boy. Every time we fight, he goes running to his mother.”
He doesn’t know how to stand up to his wife. Instead, he says, “Come, Mom, see what she’s doing to me…”
When they need a plumber or an electrician, it’s the wife who handles it. She also takes their son to the men’s barber.
And other similar behaviors.
Let’s rewind a bit and see how this man was raised.
There’s a family: a mother, a father, a daughter, and a son.
The mother says:
“Get up, daughter, and see what your brother wants to eat… Is he done eating? Check if he wants something to drink… Do this for your brother, he’s studying… He ate and drank and left everything behind—clean up after him because you’re a girl…”
The girl is the one doing all the housework.
And the brother? “He’s a man!”
Well, actually, they meant “he’s male” — big difference.
So what did we do in this kind of upbringing?
We raised the girl to be overly responsible — to sacrifice herself to please others. Her own needs don’t matter; only others do.
Eventually, this leads to anxiety, depression, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, and other issues.
And the boy?
He learned to be “the master” who is served and carries no responsibility.
So, what’s the solution?
First, raise the son to understand that boys and girls are equal.
Give them the same tasks. A boy taking care of himself doesn’t make him any less of a man. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to help his household.
Teach the girl that she has rights and responsibilities.
Teach her that she is allowed to have opinions, to discuss, to agree or disagree — so she can develop a strong personality. This will protect her in the future.
Teach her that she is important, and being a girl doesn’t mean she’s just there to work around the house. She has a role toward her family, just like the boy does.
When we ask something from them, explain why — don’t just say, “Do it because I said so,” or “Say okay without questioning.”
If we do that, they grow up not thinking for themselves. They’ll just say “okay” to anything, right or wrong, because they never learned how to question, reflect, or choose.
This kind of upbringing produces youth who are responsible and believe in sharing life duties — and that leads to success in their future relationships.
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