My Nervous/Angry Child

First, it’s important to ask ourselves: Why is the child nervous or angry?

Some children have organic disorders like autism, hearing impairment, or speech problems. Such children may want to communicate with those around them but cannot, so their nervous or angry behavior expresses their frustration and helplessness.

Children with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) often have mothers who ask them to do things while they are distracted and not focused. They often forget, so they are frequently criticized, punished, or blamed, which makes the child nervous or angry.

A “normal” child who feels that the mother prefers his sibling over him, or a neglected child who feels ignored by the family, or a child who is harshly treated or abused at home, or a child whose parent is often angry — all these situations teach the child to be nervous or angry.

Sometimes children learn this behavior by watching other children or from watching cartoons showing aggressive behavior.

Feelings of rejection or oppression, whether inside the family or at school, or exposure to bullying, can also lead to nervousness or anger.

A spoiled child whose every wish is immediately fulfilled may get angry if something is not done for him right away.

Sometimes the anger is a way to get the mother’s attention because the child wants to feel cared for and does not want her distracted. If the child notices that being angry achieves what he wants, he learns to use anger as a tool.

How to deal with a child’s anger?

First, I need to understand the purpose of the anger.

• If the child is jealous of his sibling, I must stop the favoritism toward the sibling and ask my son for simple good behaviors and praise him when he does them to make him feel important.
• If the child learned anger from an angry parent, that parent must learn to control his own anger.
• If the child needs attention, I as a mother should be aware and dedicate time for talking and playing with him.

What do I do when the child gets angry?

I ask him firmly but calmly — firmness does not mean shouting or being angry, it means seriousness.
I tell him: “Your behavior is not acceptable, and I will not listen to you until you stop being angry.”
Then I ignore his behavior until he calms down.
When he calms down, I hug him and ask him to speak calmly, explaining that this is the appropriate way to communicate.